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FDA To Regulate Tobacco 

Jump to full article: The Onion, 2009-06-11

Intro:

  • Jake Ehrlich, Coating Machine Operator "When one door closes another opens. Goodbye Marlboro Lights, hello Marlboro Primes."

  • Daniel Prager, Unemployed "I smoke ultra-lights, so I guess this doesn't affect me."

  • Kathleen Shannon, Flying Instructor "They can remove 'light' and 'low tar' from the labels, but as long as I choose the cigarette brand with the least rugged man in its advertising, I know I'm getting the equivalent."

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