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Jump to full article: The Onion, 2009-06-11
Intro: Jake Ehrlich, Coating Machine Operator "When one door closes another opens. Goodbye Marlboro Lights, hello Marlboro Primes."
Daniel Prager, Unemployed "I smoke ultra-lights, so I guess this doesn't affect me."
Kathleen Shannon, Flying Instructor "They can remove 'light' and 'low tar' from the labels, but as long as I choose the cigarette brand with the least rugged man in its advertising, I know I'm getting the equivalent."
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